Decision making and depression.

Decision making is something we all have to do on a daily basis, weather it be small like choosing what meal to cook or what clothes to wear or something bigger like taking the new job or buying a house, whatever the decision, you do it based on clear judgement and all the different elements and factors that surround and effect it, It’s informed.

If you are suffering from depression this makes the task of decision making much harder and a lot less clearer.

For me depression is a very foggy, unstable and scary state of mind, it also feels very lonely and isolating.

A lot of the time my mood will change in the blink of an eye and if asked I wouldn’t be able to give a reason, there would be one, but unless I sit and really talk about how I am feeling and the events that had occurred on the build up to the change in mood, I would feel as though there was no reason for it all. This is what makes it so much worse because if you don’t see the reason you feel like it must be because you’ve lost your mind or have gone crazy!

It’s taking time but I am starting to learn how depression effects me and the tools I need to help myself through those dark moments. As a mother, wife and home owner, there are always decisions to be made despite my state of mind, this for me is one of the biggest and hardest things to accomplish when depressed. Your judgement is clouded and your perception has changed. 

A decision that would normally be easy becomes a huge inconvenience, I don’t feel I want to do anything even just getting out of bed feels like a mammoth task, so anything that needs a bit of thought and attention doesn’t stand much hope. The reason for this Blog today is because I have realised that thoughts you have and decisions you make when in the wrong state of mind should be taken with a pinch of salt, remind yourself of this when your in that bad place, your not yourself and thinking straight, everything is clouded by the depression and feeling of self loath.

Isolating yourself, ending your marriage or relationship, hateful thoughts about yourself, self harm or even suicide these are all things that I have thought about or attempted whilst depressed, but the minute I manage to bring myself back to a healthier state of mind all those things have completely left me, I don’t want any of them to happen! I know that state of mind isn’t me and its not in my heart.

It very scary to think how deeply mental health can change your perspective and make you believe all those things are the right decision, the truth is that when I am depressed I shouldn’t allow myself to make any judgements or decisions because it will be coming from a foggy head. 

Always listen to your heart and if your head is clouded with depression then make a promise to your self that today is not the day to make these choices, wait till its clearer and your in a better place, because that time will come and you will feel good again. 

Depression certainly does not define you, believe in yourself because I believe together we can help each other through it and eventually learn to love ourselves again.

Published by A Work In Progress

My name is Natalie, I am a 30 something year old wife and mum of two children and one cheeky dachshund called Winston. I am a Mental Health Blogger and aspiring motivational speaker. It was May of 2019 that I decided to set up my website A Work in Progress, to create a blog based primarily on the subject of Mental Health. I chose to call myself and my website A work in Progress because after so many years of trying to seek perfection, living with extreme Anxiety and Depression has really helped me to realise that the something I was looking for simply didn’t exist. No one is perfect nor will they ever be, we continuously evolve and grow through the different experiences we have and the hurdles we encounter, thus making perfect versions of exactly who we are at that time in our lives. The intention with my blog is to inspire other’s and help them through the tough times, whilst drawing awareness to a subject that still does not get enough attention. Over the last few years I myself have struggled with Mental Health illnesses, specifically Anxiety and Depression. I first began writing as a way of helping myself to deal with my illness. It allowed me to express how I felt in detail and in turn allowed me to process my thoughts and figure out how best to manage and deal with them. I hope to spread a little more kindness into a world that doesn’t always feel very kind. I believe it is so important to recognise the colossal impact kind words can have and remove the perception that we should aspire to be like someone else rather than be happy with who we are. I want to share my experiences with others, to show that although tough and a journey that takes time, it is possible to reach the lowest point in your life and come out the other side.

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