Decision making is something we all have to do on a daily basis, weather it be small like choosing what meal to cook or what clothes to wear or something bigger like taking the new job or buying a house, whatever the decision, you do it based on clear judgement and all the different elements and factors that surround and effect it, It’s informed.
If you are suffering from depression this makes the task of decision making much harder and a lot less clearer.
For me depression is a very foggy, unstable and scary state of mind, it also feels very lonely and isolating.
A lot of the time my mood will change in the blink of an eye and if asked I wouldn’t be able to give a reason, there would be one, but unless I sit and really talk about how I am feeling and the events that had occurred on the build up to the change in mood, I would feel as though there was no reason for it all. This is what makes it so much worse because if you don’t see the reason you feel like it must be because you’ve lost your mind or have gone crazy!
It’s taking time but I am starting to learn how depression effects me and the tools I need to help myself through those dark moments. As a mother, wife and home owner, there are always decisions to be made despite my state of mind, this for me is one of the biggest and hardest things to accomplish when depressed. Your judgement is clouded and your perception has changed.
A decision that would normally be easy becomes a huge inconvenience, I don’t feel I want to do anything even just getting out of bed feels like a mammoth task, so anything that needs a bit of thought and attention doesn’t stand much hope. The reason for this Blog today is because I have realised that thoughts you have and decisions you make when in the wrong state of mind should be taken with a pinch of salt, remind yourself of this when your in that bad place, your not yourself and thinking straight, everything is clouded by the depression and feeling of self loath.
Isolating yourself, ending your marriage or relationship, hateful thoughts about yourself, self harm or even suicide these are all things that I have thought about or attempted whilst depressed, but the minute I manage to bring myself back to a healthier state of mind all those things have completely left me, I don’t want any of them to happen! I know that state of mind isn’t me and its not in my heart.
It very scary to think how deeply mental health can change your perspective and make you believe all those things are the right decision, the truth is that when I am depressed I shouldn’t allow myself to make any judgements or decisions because it will be coming from a foggy head.
Always listen to your heart and if your head is clouded with depression then make a promise to your self that today is not the day to make these choices, wait till its clearer and your in a better place, because that time will come and you will feel good again.
Depression certainly does not define you, believe in yourself because I believe together we can help each other through it and eventually learn to love ourselves again.