This blog is ultimately inspired by a dream I had recently.
It was one of those dreams that felt so real, had it not have been so far-fetched I may have actually believed it had happened.
The reason I have chosen to write a blog about this is because I really feel that it carried an important lesson for me, and it was a lesson I needed in moving forward with my anxiety and depression. Since my anxiety and depression first began and more as time moves forward, I have this overwhelming feeling that there is so much more to me and that I am capable of a lot more in my life. The fact that my anxiety restricts me so much I think probably that makes it worse, but I honestly feel like at some point there will be so much more and it’s almost what I am feeling I can see and its not an urge or a want but more like looking into the future. Of course at this time when I come back down to reality I am exactly as I was and still struggle on a daily basis but the fact that I am even thinking about all these new ventures I believe is massive progress because I actually believe I can make it happen, compared to a few months ago I didn’t think I would ever be able to see it.
Back to the dream, The weeks building up to when this dream occurred had been really tough, depression had hit me like a 50tone truck, I wasn’t leaving the house, I stopped doing the morning school run and literally stayed in bed all day eating and watching films, I couldn’t lift my mood and the depression really took a hold of me……… lets just say I had hit an all time low and every morning I would wake up praying I felt better but the reality was always the same, low mood, self-hate and the constant felling that life was pointless. After a good 3 weeks I decided that I needed to start exercising again because of course all the laying around and constant eating I was gaining weight which consequently was just fuelling the depression, so I forced myself to get on the treadmill and run for 20 to 30 minuets and day because I knew that it had always help me feel better in the past, so it was definitely worth a go. Guess what after one 25-minute run on my treadmill my mood began to lift that weekend I left the house it was really working again; it was keeping the depression away I felt more like me again finally!!
Something so simple but yet so effective, and touch wood 2 weeks on and I am still feeling a lot happier than I was.
The dream happened probably 3 days into me starting my running, I won’t go in to massive detail because it will get a little boring but the general gist of it was that I for whatever reason became great friends with some big celebrity but to the point where I was getting introduced to fashion designers and icons, working for them and basically living what I thought to be my best life, I was flying all over the world in a private plane and staying in all these beautiful hotels and villas, it all seemed perfect!!!
As the dream went on, I kept getting this feeling of just wanting my husband and my girls, I wasn’t anxious or depressed in any way I just missed my old simpler life. Toward the end of the dream I was asked to move my life to America and at that point I thought this isn’t the life I want at all. The life I have is the life I want and all I need. For as long as I can remember I have always dreamt of having so much more, but it had become a real urge that I felt the life I had wasn’t enough, when actually what this dreamed had proved to me is that I have such a wonderful life that I would miss if it wasn’t there anymore. Of course, I would still love to be free from the anxiety and depression that looms over me, but in general it’s the wake up call I have needed, I need to show more gratitude for the life I have got and stop longing for a life I was never meant it have.
Everyone should strive for better and aim for higher but don’t lose sight of what is truly important, because if you are meant to have it then you will get it. Live in the moment and be present because if you lost what you have, you would miss it. Life is so short and not guaranteed, don’t get blind-sided by what you haven’t got but actually rejoice about what you have got.