It’s fair to say that over the past year or more, my Anxiety has improved greatly, thanks to the wonderful work of Mr Keith Gullis and his Curative Hypnotherapy. I am on the way to one day being free from my Anxiety all together, but for now I still have to put the work in and face the fears that continue to control and dictate my life and the lives of those around me. I will get there, but for now my Anxiety remains A Work in Progress.
It’s a trigger
I have spoken previously about my triggers and one of the main ones is the school run, it doesn’t seem a huge deal compared to some of my other triggers but this is the biggest one for me personally, as it’s an expectation that is required of me Monday through Friday with no exception… it’s not something I can just decide I’m not up too… I have to get my girls to school, Anxiety or not! I don’t know if this is something that is across the board with all who live with Anxiety but certainly for me, if there is a pressure, expectation or urgency for me to do something then it really increases my anxiety levels and it’s in those situations I am most likely to lose control, have a panic attack, hyperventilate and or give up and leave.
By the end of last year, after working really hard I was able to finally get to a point where the school run was no longer as scary, and although I would still get the flutter of anxiety every now and again, it was nothing that I couldn’t deal with or get through.
The impact of Covid
Covid happens and the world comes to a stand-still, schools are closed and suddenly I am no longer required to test and push myself everyday by doing the school run. The months pass and there are days I actually forget I ever had anxiety, because most days would consist of me being at home in my safe place surrounded by my children, having complete control of the entire day. No expectation to be anywhere or see anyone because to put it simply you’re not allowed.
Fast forward to now and it’s all hands-on deck to get our children ready for their return to school after 6 months, and It’s not just as easy as the return after summer, there’s guidelines and rules and new expectations being put into place to try and keep all as safe as possible.
A new normal
A new norm, this new norm is change, and I am not a person that does well with change, my Anxiety doesn’t respond well to change. It begins to feel like all the progress I had made before lockdown would be lost and the world outside my door suddenly starts to feel really scary and unsafe again. The all new school run isn’t just new because of all the Covid guidelines but also because no longer are both my children attending the same primary school, my eldest has moved up to secondary school/High school. The timings are different, the route we used to take has changed, to say I was feeling uncomfortable is an understatement! I have no choice but to face my fears head on. The Anxiety had been building for a few days, so it’s fair to say that by the time the big day arrived I felt an absolute mess!!
To cut an already very long story short, I did it, despite all the built-up Anxiety, fear, emotion and overthinking I managed it!! As I sit here now writing this, I am able to recognise that, but at the time I wasn’t so able. Every time I conquer, complete or get through something that triggers Anxiety I am never able to give myself credit for what I have achieved, I will always acknowledge that I did it, but then proceed to come up with or find a reason as to why I managed it on this occasion but why tomorrow I’m not going to be able to. This is something that I always do but am only now becoming aware of. I am never really giving myself any credit or recognition for all the times I faced Anxiety head on and manged to conquer it, I simply take the achievement and crush it with…but… The number of times that I have “Failed” because of Anxiety is actually far less than those that I have succeeded and yet it’s those few failures that remain the most memorable and vivid in my mind, completely disregarding the 50 times I did it but focusing on the 1 time I couldn’t! The damage that I am doing to not only my progress but to my self-esteem is going to be huge.
The realisation of this hit me on day 5 of getting through the new norm school run, despite Anxiety being present. Every day after I’d dropped both girls off at their schools, I would sigh a small sigh of relief that it was over and then proceed to worry about tomorrows school run, reminding myself that just because I did it today doesn’t mean I should take that for granted, safety behaviours should be adhered to and all necessary precautions should be taken…. I know it sounds crazy but this is actually the constant that goes on in my mind and that’s just for one small part of my day… the school run.
Give credit, where credits due
I have come to realise that like with most things in life it’s the negative things that we focus on and finding the positives in any situation is always so much harder. I believe that I am the reason I fail, not because I am not capable but because I don’t give myself the credit when credits due, I never acknowledge the achievement but simply find excuses or new negatives to focus on, completely disregarding the fact that I smashed it!! Now that I recognise this, I am working hard every day to find all the positives. When I finish the school run, I remind myself of the strength and determination I have. I also make a point of telling myself when doubt hit’s about doing it again… that yes of course I will manage it tomorrow, Because I am getting stronger every time I do it, and I do it every time, so doubt is not required only recognition of what I have achieved.
Be kind to you
I wanted to share this post with you because after I realised what I was doing, it made me wonder how many other people will be doing exactly the same? I wanted to be the reminder to anyone that needs it, to be kind to yourself, and give yourself credit for all you achieve no matter how big or small the achievement may seem, even if you don’t manage whatever it is today, at least you gave it a go and that in its self deserves some recognition. We preach about kindness to others but it’s just as important to be kind to ourselves… The impact is just the same, whether the insult or criticism comes from another or is from you to yourself, we still hear it the same and it will still have the same negative impact.
I want to end this weeks post with 3 thing’s we should remind ourselves of everyday;
1. To give credit where credits due.
2. To Be kind to your mind, by being kind to yourself.
3. Trying and failing is still trying, and that alone is something to be proud of.
Q. Is this post something you are able to relate to?
Q. What have you done or tired to do this week that you are proud of?
Share a smile not a judgement & Lead with kindness 💚❤️